come here..give me ur hand..let me take u into my world...dont be afraid..u know it all dont u?u who has taken up the right to teach me..come let me guide u into my world...here we take a first step..see..here is where i lay in my mothers arm..wen u refused to see my face..i lay there struggling from my first breath..struggling to live..to survive..where are u at this time?why arent u here by my cradle?aaah i see..u r out there somewhere bemoaning my birth..the birth of yet another woman..no..dont step back..let me take u further..here..do u see?there sitting in the corner of ur bedroom..dat little girl..its me..do u see what im looking at?its u..teachin my mother how to be a good wife..my sisters how to be good daughters..oh we learnt how to be good daughters alright...to a mother who took ur blows..for us.you see how u unleashed ur teachings on us?there u are..dragging me by my hair..im sorry i spoke tot he boy next door...there she is...grabbin me back from ur clutches..the one rouble in our lives..my inspiration..see her face?aglow with love..come i will take u to the day that changed my whole life...but u went unscarred...come ill show u the macabre of my life...see..there she is again..my rouble...her eyes are sad and yet she looks happy..."i have a very good surprise for you!" she says...her face radiant with love..see..stop her shes closing the door..stop her i know what comes now..but bak then see how my face is glowing with anticipation??bam!what is it?rouble!..i crawl closer to my other sister...what happened?open the door!why did she lock the door?there at the window stands the cook.."something has happened to her..u shud come and see."..these words rent my guts out..come lets run tot he door and see...surely it cant be as bad as the cook said..my rouble is brave..she is the only one who showed u ur place..she is one who holds me wen i cry..nah..she must be playing some prank on me..her door is closed...loud music coming from her room..she loves the classics..ughh..whats this lying near t he refrigerator?peice of fish..no dont look away..u must come intot the room with me..i want u to know wvery detail of it..cuz u made it happen..u..no dont turn away..come..this is my macabre...open the door...why are there hair stuck in the fan??rotating as in a whirpool..there she is!!!!do u see her??brave..smilijng even in death..where is her forhead??its blown apart...its all over the room..in her hands she holds her rosary...and some papers...she is bleeding..the cupboard is filled with her blood...the room has her head all oveer it...do u see it now?u didnt dare to venture in then..come see it now as i saw it at the age on nine..rouble..what have u done?she lies there beautiful...prettier than anything i have ever seen...see look at her...she did this to stop u..but did u stop?come here look at my mother..there she is on the floor..evading her daughters death...her body...mumma im still here for u..i love u mumma..what else can i say to her...you have left us scarred for life...come i will take u to the years dat follow...there u are again telling me u love me...i have to say it bak..but i tell u now..i never loved u..u poor man...the one person u really love hates u..i pity u...see ur oldest daughter come home to u..her little child in her hands..weeping..i cannot even begin to describe how i wanted to kill u wen u beat her up because her husband tortured her...how co u feel?no..come with me and see how u filled my heart with steel...i want to thank u...u made me see the darker side so i never have to fear it...there u are beating up ur second daughter on the eve of her wedding...she has the wedding bangles in her hands and she is at ur feet....and there u are..with some strange woman in your room while ur two daughters cry for the mother at the door...come ill take u to a "family gathering"..see all the womens' faces..now see my mothers face?where is the happiness?her face wears a sad look...she hates living..but does she have a choice.come let me show u..do u see that?its the room where rouble had blown her head with ur rifle..see my mother sitting there?she has turned it into a prayer room..watch her sitting there on the floor..her hands folded head bowed in prayer..praying for us...forgiving u each day...dont hate him..he loves u..see..look over there..it'sme lying next to u while u sleep...crouched in one corner not daring to breathe lest u wake up..u r angry..why?ur clothes werent ironed right...no one answere at one call..sorry cudnt hear you..see look..there u are sitting..we are at ur feet beggin forgivness cuz ur brother let u down..no fault of ours but there we are..begging u to let s be in peace..begging for a morsel of happiness..i see u smile and then u frown again..no its not enough..let me mae them hurt a bit more..u sleep off..we lie awake all night dreading what the morning will bring..come ill show u...there u see my 3 year old neice..see u made her run till she fell to the ground unable to breathe..im there standing near u..longong to comfort the little girl but u wdnt let me..and come look..here u are..grabbing a litlle girls hair only to see wether she cries or not..its ur own cursed daughter...i stand between u and my mother..see...u want to batter her but u cant..i wont let u..no..never..there u are again...in my first boarding school..do u remember?u drove up all the way to come and thrash me in front of all my teachers and friends..i was 5 then..i missed my mother..and this was the comfort u gave me..but thank you..i wouldnt have been the person i am today if it werent for that..yes u love..but u love selfisshly..i see no pleasure in ur eyes now..but bak then i read every expression of urs..u were happy..u drank the happiness out of our very souls..like a snake watching its prey u hissed and drew the warmth far away from us..lleaving us cold..even on the warmest days... have scarred us for life..i smile a second and then a dagger stabs my heart and turns over..i see their faces..my moters devoid of all happiness..roubles..sad but at peace...my sisters'..their eyes..speak it all out...when ur loved ones suffer..the helplessness of it all makes u swallow tears of blood..i know..even wen u r gone..these ghosts will haunt me till the second i draw my last breath..i have seen my hell i fear it not..i thank you for it dear father.
