Saturday, September 8, 2007

dream boogie

dreams...ur dreams and mine arent all good.and ye they can be so divine...they can give u the life u want or disillusion u..make u go mad or show u ur best..u can be a hero and u can be a loser..u cant choose ur dreams..they come to u..iv had a sets me free and yet it makes me sad..seeps through my very bones and wakes me up inside..i have a dream...i know not of fear..i dream on...what tomorrow may bring..the end maybe its time to get ur kicks before the whole world comes tumbling down..i dream of life..i run on soft moist grass...i chase little puppies...i soak p the sun...i cool my body at the stream..i drink of its free...i stand free..the wind blowing against my dream catches me when i fall..nothing can stop me now...iv been there to the dark moors...they dont scare me now...they give me life..they give me courage to fight..they give me the will to feel and not be strenght lies with the enemy....if i can fight that i know not what else there is to stop me...i love...i also hate...but i hate to survive..i hate so my eins be running warm blood in them...i love so that coldness may not take over...and yet both are so strong they make me wish i was caparisoned in numbness..i wish i wudnt loe so much it hate so much it makes life horrible..its what life does to me...its what dreams remind me of...the world will never ever be the same for each person..i look around and i find it strange how ppl can be so versatile and yet similaer...there must be sumthing wrong with me i say wen my eyes are open to the world..why else cant i feel less..everything i feel is intense...but wen i close my eyes and dreams tell me its al right...i know now..theres a place i go when im whatever i want whatever i feel...and the day i fall..i shall have lied it all...i have lived it all...but i am not content yet..i hae to vent my feelings before the end comes...i have so little tme and no words...u may wonder at the crabbedness of my writings..but this is not a sonnet or an epic i write..this is my judge not...i write not for ur benefit..i write to unveil my heart and mind...i write of an insufferable world..

Monday, August 20, 2007


come here..give me ur hand..let me take u into my world...dont be afraid..u know it all dont u?u who has taken up the right to teach me..come let me guide u into my we take a first is where i lay in my mothers arm..wen u refused to see my face..i lay there struggling from my first breath..struggling to survive..where are u at this time?why arent u here by my cradle?aaah i see..u r out there somewhere bemoaning my birth..the birth of yet another step back..let me take u u see?there sitting in the corner of ur bedroom..dat little girl..its u see what im looking at?its u..teachin my mother how to be a good sisters how to be good daughters..oh we learnt how to be good daughters a mother who took ur blows..for see how u unleashed ur teachings on us?there u are..dragging me by my sorry i spoke tot he boy next door...there she is...grabbin me back from ur clutches..the one rouble in our inspiration..see her face?aglow with love..come i will take u to the day that changed my whole life...but u went unscarred...come ill show u the macabre of my life...see..there she is rouble...her eyes are sad and yet she looks happy..."i have a very good surprise for you!" she says...her face radiant with love..see..stop her shes closing the door..stop her i know what comes now..but bak then see how my face is glowing with anticipation??bam!what is it?rouble!..i crawl closer to my other sister...what happened?open the door!why did she lock the door?there at the window stands the cook.."something has happened to her..u shud come and see."..these words rent my guts out..come lets run tot he door and see...surely it cant be as bad as the cook rouble is brave..she is the only one who showed u ur place..she is one who holds me wen i cry..nah..she must be playing some prank on me..her door is closed...loud music coming from her room..she loves the classics..ughh..whats this lying near t he refrigerator?peice of dont look away..u must come intot the room with me..i want u to know wvery detail of it..cuz u made it dont turn away..come..this is my the door...why are there hair stuck in the fan??rotating as in a whirpool..there she is!!!!do u see her??brave..smilijng even in death..where is her forhead??its blown apart...its all over the her hands she holds her rosary...and some papers...she is bleeding..the cupboard is filled with her blood...the room has her head all oveer u see it now?u didnt dare to venture in then..come see it now as i saw it at the age on nine..rouble..what have u done?she lies there beautiful...prettier than anything i have ever seen...see look at her...she did this to stop u..but did u stop?come here look at my mother..there she is on the floor..evading her daughters death...her body...mumma im still here for u..i love u mumma..what else can i say to have left us scarred for life...come i will take u to the years dat follow...there u are again telling me u love me...i have to say it bak..but i tell u now..i never loved u..u poor man...the one person u really love hates u..i pity u...see ur oldest daughter come home to u..her little child in her hands..weeping..i cannot even begin to describe how i wanted to kill u wen u beat her up because her husband tortured co u feel?no..come with me and see how u filled my heart with steel...i want to thank u...u made me see the darker side so i never have to fear it...there u are beating up ur second daughter on the eve of her wedding...she has the wedding bangles in her hands and she is at ur feet....and there u are..with some strange woman in your room while ur two daughters cry for the mother at the door...come ill take u to a "family gathering"..see all the womens' see my mothers face?where is the happiness?her face wears a sad look...she hates living..but does she have a choice.come let me show u see that?its the room where rouble had blown her head with ur rifle..see my mother sitting there?she has turned it into a prayer her sitting there on the floor..her hands folded head bowed in prayer..praying for us...forgiving u each day...dont hate him..he loves u..see..look over'sme lying next to u while u sleep...crouched in one corner not daring to breathe lest u wake up..u r angry..why?ur clothes werent ironed one answere at one call..sorry cudnt hear you..see look..there u are sitting..we are at ur feet beggin forgivness cuz ur brother let u fault of ours but there we are..begging u to let s be in peace..begging for a morsel of happiness..i see u smile and then u frown its not enough..let me mae them hurt a bit more..u sleep off..we lie awake all night dreading what the morning will bring..come ill show u...there u see my 3 year old neice..see u made her run till she fell to the ground unable to there standing near u..longong to comfort the little girl but u wdnt let me..and come u are..grabbing a litlle girls hair only to see wether she cries or not..its ur own cursed daughter...i stand between u and my mother..see...u want to batter her but u cant..i wont let u are my first boarding u remember?u drove up all the way to come and thrash me in front of all my teachers and friends..i was 5 then..i missed my mother..and this was the comfort u gave me..but thank you..i wouldnt have been the person i am today if it werent for that..yes u love..but u love selfisshly..i see no pleasure in ur eyes now..but bak then i read every expression of urs..u were happy..u drank the happiness out of our very a snake watching its prey u hissed and drew the warmth far away from us..lleaving us cold..even on the warmest days... have scarred us for life..i smile a second and then a dagger stabs my heart and turns over..i see their moters devoid of all happiness..roubles..sad but at sisters'..their eyes..speak it all out...when ur loved ones suffer..the helplessness of it all makes u swallow tears of blood..i know..even wen u r gone..these ghosts will haunt me till the second i draw my last breath..i have seen my hell i fear it not..i thank you for it dear father.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007


what is man but a petty self lover..dont u love being praised??mankind..i wonder who framed the can u feel superior to other living kind?where is the love and th expression of feelings dat made u superior?i see it no more,the warmth has fled from this world and left it empty for coldness to take over.the cold reigns here..strong in the heart of but an fickle is man to just give it so much importance and yet to just allude it when faced with is for the self..the love for others is yet agin for the self..u love someone who means something to u..whom u need..u dont love someone whoz need u dont has fled..and given its place to greed and to hatred..the only love u feel is the twinkle in ur mothers eye wen she first holds her arms..for some that twinkle lasts a lifetime..for some it just fades away a sec later wen she realises that this child is yet another burden..another responsibility...mankind..fickle to the core...why shud they need to feel responsible for someone else?i come first..i am my priority..

Friday, August 10, 2007

where u and i live

there is a world out there somewhere..though many may know's not anyplace u have ever been...there's a world out there...where the day alightens with hope as its brightens the brightens their hearts..the hearts of those who are naive..this hope warms their hearts..they smile..maybe today will be the day wen all will be good...the mother looks down at the child cradeled in her arms..looks at him with day the child will grow up..grow up to love no one ever did..this child will redeem her from all that went wrong...a hope to be happy...there is a world out there...a world of hope???it lasts for about a second...or an hour..or a whole lifetime...its a world where u and i get to live...find a reason to live..a reason to keep on striving..but this world deserts deserts u wen things go deserts u and u give up...what is dis world we live in about then...if not a constant rattling called life?u fight...fight from the day u are born..born widout ur own fault...given a name..even before u arrive in this world there are people planning ur own future..u r given a name years before u come down to this earth...ur fate has alot in store for u..even before u r born...a child has nothing to loose..but then again..who does?a child can grow up in love or be hated for being born..a child can be a burden or a blessing..u see as we grow up...we begin to leave behind our naivity our innocence.... but there is this world...the world of hope dat keeps coming bak to us...hope dat makes s think..maybe today it'll happen..just maybe

Saturday, August 4, 2007

stoned immaculate

Senses run wild..cant focus n what’s goin on around me or inside me.this feeling of loosing control can be so divine and yet the bizarre can be scary.its not about how much weight u can lay on the bizzareness or the divinity of ur thoughts its about the thoughts what goes on in ur mind can create a whole sequence of emotions in just a few can destroy u or make u numb towards that constant rattling of life…ur mind can take u on a rollercoaster toward death ur thoughts can make ur raunchy desires come true..the bizarre can make u ecstatic and at the same time it can make u too sensitive…

There is the truth and there is what u want t believe..sum things u can never y people wont feel the way u do.or why u cant tell them what is goin on inside u..i dunno what can fix that..but I do know that no matter how u want this to change it wont..unless u find a way to break through that wall u have around u and be what u idealize to but then when u becum dat too there will always be sumthing missing..sumthing not rite then ur gonna wanna change dat what is life but a process of trying to make what u live perfect..u want a person but u need ur space from dat person..and wen u get that u feel what shall I say lost?hurt?we set our own limits and if the other cant conform to those we get hurt??so what is man an emotional mess?????those who learn to control these emotions…they live just like the gadgets around them..”meachanical mass” not negating just showing it to u as I have seen it..not just in but also the people around me

“The time to hesitate is through.”

“The time to hesitate is through.”
Jim Morrison-Poet